This
picture:
was taken in the bathrooms
adjacent the Honors Society main office at the University of Nevada, Reno,
where I attend. Let your fears be allayed, I had not yet removed my pants by
the time I took it.
I
am not a member of any of these societies. Not due to a lack of capacity on my part, I indeed believe I
possess such a capacity, but instead due to a lack of attraction to such
endeavors as membership would surely entail. In short, I think I know what I am
and am not missing. My first thoughts were those of jealousy. Did they, by some
virtue I could not perceive, deserve
more toilet paper than the rest of us? Was the array of rolls there due to some
occupational hazard I was not aware of? Was it all an elaborate and obscure pun
about having a crappy job? I would have felt the same way had any of those been
the case, since I despise being on the “outside” of an “inside joke”, and I
would wish to be aware of any occupation which warranted such a precaution. The
more I thought about it, though, the more confusing the display became.
Was
it really a positive thing to be
granted such tools? Yes, I decided, it was. I enjoy having a comparably clean rectum, simply because the alternative
is undesirable. I enjoy it in the
same way that I enjoy wearing a coat in the winter. Until such a time as
defecation is no longer necessary, I must be appreciative of every advantage I
get.
Infinitesimal
as the opportunity for taking advantage of such an asset may be, I resent not
being granted it. This is discrimination of the worst order. In addition, it
furthers an unpleasant stereotype about the odor of people not smart enough to
be accepted into Honors Societies. Prejudice is alive and well, and it smells
like a public restroom with insufficient toilet paper.
