“Ah,
modernity”, he said whilst twirling his mustache, which is,
I've determined, is really the only way to USE that specific
conjugation of the term. If you don't have a mustache, it's just time
to get out of the business. The business of being an erudite
mid-century gentleman. If
there is anyone who, in their heart of hearts doesn't hold that
concept dear, I don't want to meet them. I guess that might need some
clarification? Probably not THIS century. I think they valued
glabrous skin above
all back then, as I understand it. Actually, wait...this isn't the
90's anymore? Well THAT explains all these wireless telephones and
bathing going on everywhere. I'm referring to mid-18th-century.
They were all about cigars, mutton chops (of multiple varieties) and
of course, being considered modern.
And legal cocaine. Let us never forget that.
I'm
pretty hazy (not
from
the cocaine this time) about what actually
constitutes being modern.
I mean, it's obviously characterized by a lack of outmoded
attributes. But things can be post-modern,
and it doesn't mean “From the future”. At my best guess,
post-modernity is just something hipsters and turtle-necked college
professors say while twirling their significantly more passé
handlebar
mustaches, when flannel or also turtle-neck wearing girls are nearby.
But that still leaves gaps in my linguistic discernment. I think I'm
just going to pretend that it does
indeed
mean “from the future” and not “self-referential and lame”.
Though, I do
like self-reference. I'm like my own bibliography over here. If it
ain't something I've
said, I want no part of it.
I
guess you could make the case for modern
simply meaning “not obsolete”, which I guess is something we can
all get behind. I don't know that anyone takes pride in being
obsolete.
At least, no one who speaks English and understands what the word
means. Free of context, it is
a pretty cool-sounding word. Hmm...this might make a good
“scientific” “study”. I expect results by next Thursday at
the latest, and don't give the that “But it's Christmas” excuse
again. Good help is hard to come by in these, our modern
days. HEYOOO!!!
I
think there are probably a lot of people out there who think they can
break down exactly what modern
actually means in a given context. Like, I know it's a genre of
music, an art style etc, but I don't think any of them could break it
down nearly as well as I just did. If you don't understand what I
mean, maybe I should go back to talking to hipsters and various other
people with Birkenstocks and Neckbeards. I'll...let YOU fill in the
band name there. Me?
I'm back to my very own brand of modern living, which integrally
involves Tobacco and Lamb-Flesh.
