Sunday, March 8, 2015

20-Minute Topic: Exuberance

         This morning, I awoke fresh from the Field of Dreams. Except, no baseballs and hardly any fields. This is getting out of hand quickly. Anyway, awake did I, having dreamt that I was a halfling. And also a nurse. And also possessed of a minigun. Needless to say, I was exuberant at the cumulative prospect of living under the circumstances brought about by these three conditions. Or at least, I presume I was. It's sort of hard to tell while dreaming, to be honest. I never trust ANYONE while they're asleep. Especially not myself. Shudder...'96...Anyway, then, the unspeakable happened. I was demoted. I am still unclear whether this means I was no longer a nurse or no longer a halfling, but the result was the same. Loss of exuberance. As a side-note, does anyone know what is directly BELOW halfling on the corporate ladder? Anyway, then I woke up and wondered what in the hell was WRONG with my brain. All in all, an average Saturday night.

    For a mental condition to suffer such abrupt and immediate seizure and destruction was a traumatizing experience, let me tell you, but I think I am stronger for it. For one thing, halflings suffer like a -2 on STR checks. In case you weren't able to read or aren't able to's word is “exuberance”. This is another one of those words with more than one meaning that you will never ever EVER need to know. If you can't use it in a sentence already, or hear it and sort of intrinsically know what it means, don't try. It's not worth it. Plus, if you use it wrong, you will likely get laughed out of the Junior Prom ladies restroom. For the sake of the fact that I still have like 12 minutes left, I'll go ahead and elaborate on its meanings, though. First, and the one you are probably familiar with, is defined as being marked by a being full of energy and excitement. To have Ardor, fervor, vigor or zest. All of which would (and probably DO) make wonderful generically fresh-smelling bar-soap brands. Ebullience, not so much. Maybe a misguided attempt at a cheap Men's cologne? Or maybe cognac. Colognac? Faux-French any way you slice it. Preferably diagonally, though, so you can can dip it in the syrup dish. I digress, which, I think I have discovered, is basically how I choose to live my life.

     The SECOND meaning, and the one you should only pull out if you want to confuse people, relates to plants...somehow. I think it's the same but different. Like, it means the same thing, but maybe you MEAN it differently if you aim it at plants. I don't really know. Wait, nevermind. I cheated. It means that something is basically growing WITH exuberance, whatever that means. As much exuberance as a plant can display, I suppose, Seymour.
     I guess my point is, this word is dumb. And if you use it to describe anything but a small child on Christmas or a dog, or a small child on a dog on Christmas, you're dumb too. Me? I'm going to go work on my colognac recipe. Drink it, wear it, I don't care!

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