20-Minute Topic: Methodical

         And, we're back! Took a few days off, I guess, to accomplish...things...anyway, let's begin, shall we? This is going to come as a surprise to many of you, but I would definitely describe myself as a methodical person. If your only exposure to me is this series of blog posts, allow me to give an illustration of what has to happen here. The manic coke-addled squirrel ramblings aren't the norm. I have to metaphorically remove my brain from its housing, and place it into a vat of various fluids and essential proteins that keep it alive while the rest of me “contributes” to “society”.

     What came as a surprise to me is that this odd sort of cranial compartmentalization is nigh impossible for some other members of our species, while for me, it's as easy as blinking back the nonexistent tears jerked by the drama section of your nearest women's movie store(site). Holy crap, that was one rambling metaphor...Where was I? Ah, yes. Methodical. In essence, the exact opposite of stream of consciousness-style writing. Is it appropriate to classify what I do as a mental super-power? I'm going to go ahead and do so until someone proves to me that I shouldn't. And then I'll probably rationalize it until I can ignore said proof and carry on, my wayward son.

 

     To be methodical is to do things according to pre-established formulae or sets of procedures. Analytical, efficient, painstaking, deliberate, meticulous, precise or systematic. And, believe it or not, that describes me quite well, when operating under ordinary parameters. What I mean by all this is that I'm human too. Just like all of you. So please treat me as such. <Sniff>. Okay, I'll turn off the water-works. But before I do, you should consider that the ability to cry is about as human as it gets.

     All this talk of disembodiment and super-powers and weeping makes me wonder if writing blog posts is the only thing I get up to while my brain isn't in attendance...Ooh, or maybe my brain does things while my body isn't on deck, as it were. No, wait...if it was my brain, I think I'd probably remember, right? Yeah, probably. The way I see it, though, there are basically only two possibilities Well, three. The third being “do absolutely nothing”. First, I might go on murder-sprees. Second, I might generally obstruct justice by trying to solve murder-sprees. Either way, I think I should probably design and build myself a flashy costume and position it just so it catches my eye next time I go a-wanderin'.

 

     I guess, before the end, it should be noted that the word methodical is also sometimes associated with being neat or tidy. These adjectives do not describe me in the least. My stuff is where it is because that's where I left it, and by golly, that's where it's going to stay until I need it next. Or until I trip over it in the middle of the night and kick it to a different location altogether.I'm not picky, which is, I suppose, sort of the point.