Sunday, April 27, 2014

20-Minute Topic: Coaxial

          At least it's not a P word again...But, seriously, I'm going to have a talk with the guy giving me these words. Mathword loving Mathnerd. Coaxial. You know what? I can work with this. Aww, who am I kidding? I can work with anything. Despite SOUNDING scary, it's not, really. Then again, I'm not sure why it would be scary. It's just a word. Words aren't scary. At least, they shouldn't be. ANYHOO! In the scientific sense, it's a highly self-explanatory word, assuming you have a basic understanding of the parts that make up its whole. “Co”, meaning basically, “alongside”, and “axial” which describes an axis, a “straight” “line” in 3-dimensional space. Now, put them together, and you get one seriously unscary word.

          Now that that's over with. Screw coaxial. Seriously. The best thing they ever did was make those little red, white and yellow wires. That was it. That was the pinnacle of human invention. When I was a kid, we had a TV so old, it didn't even have one of THOSE in the back. We had to get an adapter, because coaxial cable was too high-tech. Man, scr-- you get the idea. I still have nightmares about having to adjust the cable, because it wasn't seated properly. There I would be, playing Operation Wolf, or LoLo 3 or whatever, and suddenly, no visual signal. That was really a drag, because I'd say that a fairly important aspect of that whole activity is visual. Audio would “go away” too, but it would send its surrogate, Howling Technobanshee, to keep me company.


            *shudder* While Wolf...Guy, or Lolo would meet their fate, I would have to attempt to fix the TV. Being wedged next to a wall, this was usually no easy feat. This adventure usually ended with bleeding fingers, sweaty foreheads, and numerous adolescent swear-words, being uttered. <Gosh dang crap-stacking fart-box!>. I meant it, too.
The pain has far from ended. Some of these new-fangled cable boxes for the bringing of interwebs into your home have those self-same infernal cables. I recently experienced a flashback, similar to what I imagine PTSD is like, when I was attempting to figure out what was wrong with a friend's internet. If only I had known beforehand. Like, long beforehand. I would have headed that interaction off at the pass. “Hey, you want to be my friend?” he would ask, innocently, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. “Nope”, I would reply, “You're an *******************”. Problem. Solved. Forget killing Hitler, man. THAT is what I would do first. Hitler, a close second, though. Don't even get me started about HDMI. There is top and a bottom to those little plugs. You'd think you'd have a 50/50 chance to get that sucker in there right-side-up on your first try. Nope. Up-side-down EVERY TIME. You can't do that with RCA cables. I guess colorblind people might have some trouble with them, but they don't deserve to enjoy television anyway.

          You want to impress me? Someone make a cable that is as fast as an HDMI cable is supposed to be, with a round, omnidirectional jack. Then, the world will be perfect. The end.

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